Dinner tonight? 6:00 ish. No weapons please.

Such simple words. When I was in high school, I thought my parents were somewhat overprotective. I hated it, but even then I realized that kids are supposed to hate being watched over and controlled, and that this was what parents did when they loved their kids enough to care. I felt like I was guilty without hope of being proven innocent. I never wanted to go out drinking, or do drugs, or sneak out late at night and drag race or any of the things my parents seemed to assume I wanted to do. I just wanted to stay home and read, or hang out with my friends - usually playing D&D or something with one of my friends' dad playing with us.

After I left the house and saw how kids turned out when the parents were absent, I got over my dislike of parental discipline and convinced myself that they were just trying to be good parents. But then I get that text message. They were never protective. They were afraid. They are still afraid. I have no violent history, never got into fights. I'm an armed citizen with a permit. But they're still afraid. That was the worst dinner of my life. I spent the whole time fighting waves of nausea and tears.

I was not looking forward to the day I lost my dad, but now I find out he was never really there the way I thought he was. He really has no idea what my values are, and I don't think that he could comprehend the full impact of this message on me. I find out that all along I've not been loved and protected but instead treated with the distrust and wary cautiousness one might show towards a strange dog. I feel so lonely.